Am I an Empath? A Checklist and 5 Tips to Help Empaths Thrive

Do any of these sound familiar?

• “I don’t remember a time when I spent a whole day totally comfortable in my skin.”
• “People always tell me to lighten up or that I’m too sensitive.”
• “Whenever I’m around that person, I just get drained!”
• “I’d rather just be alone tonight.”
• “I can’t explain it…it’s just a feeling I have.”
•  “I really need to get outside and recharge!”

What Is an Empath?

If any of those statements resonate with you, you may be an empath. There’s a lot of information out there on the Internet about empaths and how to tell if you’re one, but I came across an article in Psychology Today that lists 10 traits of an empath, and it struck me to my core.

I’ll summarize the checklist (but check out the whole article here!) and discuss how I see myself fitting in to it to give you some examples. As you read, see how many of the items ring true with you.

1. Empaths are highly sensitive. That means we like to give (a lot!), we’re spiritually open, and we pride ourselves on being good listeners. Oh, and, we’re nurturers…nurturers who get our feelings hurt easily. Folks tell us we’re too sensitive.

2. Empaths absorb others’ emotions. We’re plugged in to how others feel. I know this happens to me. If I’m around someone who’s angry or anxious, I take that on and get nervous and tired. Then again, happy people make me happy, so there’s that…

3. Empaths tend to be introverts. I consider myself a social chameleon, but frankly, I’m much happier at a small gathering than a big shindig. Of course, I’m happiest in my room under my covers in the silence, but that’s a different article.

4. Empaths have mad intuition. Y’know when you just know? That’s how I go through life most of the time. I try to listen to what’s going on inside, and I trust it. Some people get it. Some don’t. I just keep on doing it.

5. Empaths need alone time. I like my time alone because I spend so much time picking up on what others are feeling. Sometimes I just sit on the couch and stare at the sky. I could do that for hours.

6. Empaths can get overwhelmed in intimate relationships. This one is true by default for empaths, because if we’re always absorbing, then intimacy means we’re…well…I guess, super-absorbent! The article says we’re afraid of losing our identity, but luckily I found a partner in this life who is supportive of my identity…whatever it is!

7. Empaths are targets for energy vampires. Yeah, this one’s a biggie. We’ve all met that person who just kinda sucks and sucks from us…and it sucks, right? Maybe they’re in fear. Maybe they’re angry. Maybe our nature or personality triggers their angst. Who knows? The point is, they drain us. They can talk us to death, blame us to death, or dump on us to death. Ugh.

8. Empaths become replenished in nature. I often fantasize about being outside…in the woods, the mountains, by the ocean. When I’m in those places, I just feel like somehow, it’s all good. And, in nature, we’re often a little more isolated, so that also helps with the recharge.

9. Empaths have highly tuned senses. Strong smells and noisy places are not my friends! Sometimes I have to excuse myself from situations where my senses are on overload.

10. Empaths have huge hearts but sometimes give too much. It’s good to help, but do you ever find yourself taking on the emotions of the person in distress? There you are going along in your day, and then you see or hear something difficult and BAM, then you don’t feel good. That happens to me. Taking on all of someone’s pain isn’t really the kind of giving we should be focused on all the time.

5 Tips to Better Handle Being an Empath

How many of those 10 things did you check off? I’m a 10/10, and it’s sometimes hard to function. But through years of study and practice in personal growth and as a former counselor, there are some coping skills I’ve found that help, and I’m going to share five of them with you.

Meditate and practice mindfulness. Twenty-five years ago, a teacher taught me a mindful meditation technique I still use to this day. I focus on my breath, and when my mind wanders, I gently bring my attention back to my breath. Five to ten minutes a day (or even five seconds!) is a good place to start. The goal isn’t enlightenment…it’s to be grounded in, and to reclaim, the personal space in your mind. Empaths let a lot of people into their heads, so it’s important to be clear on where “others” end and “I” begin.

Practice saying “No.” You don’t have to pick up the phone every time it rings. You really can finish listening to that song or watching that show before texting someone back. Saying “no” isn’t just a work-related thing…it’s a personal-time thing, too. You don’t have to abandon the world of family and friends and work to be at peace. Sometimes you just need to say no in the moment and set a limit.

Practice detached listening. “Detached” doesn’t mean “I don’t care.” It means, “I care so much, I want to give you the space you need to process.” Some people talk at us aggressively, urgently, or endlessly, and it can be draining. I was a counselor for years, and for my own survival, had to learn to listen with detachment. This meant giving the speaker my full attention and just holding the space for them to process. It meant getting my own expectations of them out of the way and simply letting them clear their mind. It takes practice, but over time, you can sit through difficult conversations with an easy and calm demeanor. This is a good practice even when having pleasant or happy conversations.

Get outside and get active. For many of us, it’s not realistic to live our lives totally outdoors. We may have careers that keep us at desks or in buildings, or lifestyle or monetary limitations that keep us from the beach or the mountains. But try a 15-minute walk down the street. Go out in your back yard. Find a park and sit on the bench. Connect with nature in a small way each day and let others’ energies drain off you. Activity can help, because it makes you very aware of your body…where you begin…and it’s a way to breathe and restore.

Spend time with safe people. Who are the people in your life that drain you? Who are the people that fill you up? They can be “real life” folks or folks on social media. Those folks who fill you are likely the positive, patient, warm people you love and hold dear. Reach out to them on a regular basis and do some processing yourself!

Being an empath can be a really great thing, because it fosters a deep connection with individuals and communities. But it can also be difficult and draining. Research more, reach out more, and take care of yourself. Then, you can really step into your power and thrive!