As the (steering) wheel turns
A young child sits in the back seat of a car, holding a frisbee. He pretends it’s a steering wheel.
He turns it left. He turns it right.
Every once in a while, his turn of the wheel coincides with the driver’s turn of the wheel, and voila! The illusion of control sets in.
And so is created the belief that a frisbee can control a moving car.
Now, imagine that illusion sticks – that we grow and grow and continue to believe we can control things with the simple power of desire…the desire to control.
The true path to freedom is dropping the desire to control what is just simply not in our power.
A (not-so) grand illusion
No matter how clean your living space is, you can’t stop wind from blowing dust to your door.
Even if you keep your car keys where you’ll never lose them, you can’t stop the car’s battery from dying when you’re late for work.
Regardless of your passion for a political candidate, you can’t stop your neighbor from voting for the other person.
We are caught up in a brutal illusion in this life: the belief that maybe we can control everything because, occasionally, we can control something.
But this is absolutely not the case.
The pursuit of absolute control leads us to unnecessary stress, anxiety, and frustration.
But there’s hope!
Make one simple shift…
Freedom doesn’t come from control. It comes from releasing ourselves from the burden of needing to control.
If we can make a simple shift thinking, and remember to frame daily events around it, we can save ourselves from energy drain and overwhelm.
Here’s the shift: Some things are simply beyond our control; drop any ideas to the contrary.
We know this. We’ve been told this dozens of times. Countless fortune cookies have said this.
But somewhere in the back of our minds, the belief persists that we can control more than we are able. We waste a lot of time and energy trying.
But, what if we could drop what we can’t control?
Focus on what you can control
Here’s the MtE tip: Focus on what you can control…let the rest go.
So here it is: Instead of wasting time on the uncontrollable, focus on what you can control, including:
- How you act
- What you think
- What you say to others
- How you respond to daily events
- What you decide to believe about yourself
Putting your attention – your intention – into these things means spending precious energy where it will have the greatest impact (instead of, say, arguing with strangers on social media).
Here’s how to start small, right in everyday life:
1. Identify something in your day you can control, and work to control it. This could be a thought about a co-worker or friend, or a response to a situation you might face today. Prepare. Then, if it happens, catch yourself thinking negatively (if that happens) and shift it to the positive; or, come to the situation with an attitude of, “If A happens, I can react with B instead of C. That will defuse and calm the situation.”
2. Let go of what you can’t control. Project into your day and look for a probably event that you can’t control, such as your co-worker’s attitude or rush hour traffic. Then, let go of your expectations of how the situation will play out. Instead, practice accepting it when it happens. Go in prepared, and leave a little less stressed.
3. Be mindful. Before you start your day, take a few deep breaths. Be in the moment. Be aware of people and situations through the day and recording/paying attention to how you feel when certain things show up. Are you raging against a river you can’t change the flow of? Are you arguing with people who don’t listen to anything but themselves? Watch yourself. Watch for triggers. Be aware of how the day comes, and how much you can (or can’t!) control.
Try these. Start out small. Practice.
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To dive deeper into strategies for managing stress and anxiety (including mindfulness and meditation), check out my book, An Audible Silence; or schedule a free 15-minute call to see if coaching might be right for you. For even more, follow me on Instagram or TikTok.
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(NOTE: This post is not medical or mental health advice or diagnosis, and is solely for informational/entertainment purposes. If you need physical or psychiatric care, please reach out to a trained and licensed medical professional.)